So I recently re-watched Kick-Ass (2010) after ~11 years. Does it still hold up? Yeah, i really liked it (low tier). I can totally see a few problems that I might not’ve back then, though (e.g.: so much homophobia). Nonetheless, the movie was a joy to re-experience. But little did I know what would happen if I watched this damn thing. With 7 new essay ideas popping up in my damn head over the previous 2 weeks (and 1 forgotten before I could write it down 🤷🏿♂️), how dahell was I surprised when I noticed a certain theme? And of course I had to go back and start taking notes shortly after the movie ended. Why dahell not push my plans aside?
Anyway, let’s get to it (and make this quick). What we have here is a certain portrayal of something simple and easy to miss (pretty sure I did the first time, just sayin’). It’s a very important and yet unnoticed, challenging and yet unappreciated thing. Fatherhood. Yep, straight up fatherhood. Lemme tell ya why.
Throughout the 1.95hr movie, we get little snippets of the two major players of it all: Damon Macready (aka: Big Daddy) and Frank D’Amico (aka: Frankie). Both have their respective roles in their daughter/son’s life. Both make decisions that affect their respective kids’ lives. Both are parents is what I’m getting at here. They’re parents. One’s a vigilante and the other’s a mob boss. Nonetheless, parents.
Now here’s where it gets twisted. A don’t-analyze-and-you’ll-miss-it is that they’re both villains. Yep. Damon Macready — the ex cop — is a villain. Not on the streets, with the way he goes around murdering people, burning property, and stealing goods. No, no. That’s just ruining somebody’s business, their empire. I’m talkin’ at home. Damon is so obsessed with getting revenge on Frank (understandably) that he becomes damn near completely focused on the singular goal — his work. So much so that his one and only child — his “baby doll” — doesn’t get any actual parental attention for the vast majority of their screen time.
Frank D’Amico, in complete contrast, is the only hero between the two families of Damon & Mindy Macready (aka: Hit-Girl) and Frank & Christopher D’Amico (aka: Chris). Frank is a hero at home. You know, to his son. The son he actually spends quality time with and tries to keep out of his dangerous business (to Chris’ frustration of course). See where I’m going with this?
Damon is so possessed by his need for revenge that damn near every interaction we witness between him and Mindy revolves around his work. It’s never really about her. Not her birthday. Not her childhood. Not her feeling noticed.
Major Spoilers
Take their introductory scene, for example. Dude’s preparing his daughter (who’s somewhere between 11 and14, idk) for being shot at with lethal rounds… by shooting her with a lethal round. This isn’t the issue, though, he’s just getting a freaking kid ready for a dangerous job. I mean, the Sandinista National Liberation Front (FSLN) of Nicaragua ended up training child soldiers during the US-backed Contra War (1981–1989), and according to ¡Las Sandinistas! (2018) it was a necessary decision. 🤷🏿♂️
But back to the point of bringing up this scene. After finding out she was gonna get shot two more times (into her bullet-poof vest, of course), Mindy decides to make a deal.
Mindy: Look, only if we can go by the bowling alley on the way back.
Damon: The bowling alley?
Mindy: Yep. And ice cream after.
Damon: Hmm. Okay. Two more rounds — no wincing, no whining and you got yourself a deal, young lady.
Mindy: Yeah! I’m gonna get a hot fudge sundae.
Damon: Good call, baby doll!
See that? See that kid at work? She wants to have fun and eat ice cream… with her dad. And they do. After bowling, they’re sitting at a boot eating ice cream across from eachother. Then this happens.
Damon: So have you thought a little more about what you might want for your birthday?
Mindy: Can I get a puppy?
Damon: You wanna get a dog?
Mindy: Yeah, a cuddly fluffy one. And a Bratz Moviestar Makeover Sasha.
Damon: *looks like a stereotypical Conservative when their child comes out as LGBTQ+*
Mindy: *laughs* I’m just fucking with you, daddy! Look, I’d love a Benchmade model-42 butterfly knife.
Damon: *exhales* Oh, child.
Mindy: *chuckles*
Damon: You always knock me for a loop. You know what?
Mindy: What?
Damon: I’m gonna get you two.
Mindy: Two?
Damon: One Balisong. Two Balisong. That’s what you get.
After presumably enjoying some quality time bowling with his daughter, Damon actually asks her what she wants for her birthday. Sounds nice and all until he hears her initial answer. She wanted a puppy and Bratz doll like any kid her age would… and he had a hard time calmly processing it. So she switches back and turns professional, asking for a damn butterfly knife (wtf?). Now, why would a kid need a butterfly knife? We’ll get to that. For now, let’s just acknowledge the fact that Damon ain’t raisin’ no kid in his house. ☹️
Now for the contrast.
The scene almost immediately before these introduces Frank and his son Chris by starting off with the former’s work. Dude’s gotta get information outta an employee (through torture, of course) and makes it clear that he doesn’t want to be late for quality time with his son. Let’s have a look.
Frank: Enough! …Now my son is waiting out there in the car to go to the movies. And I ain’t gonna disappoint him. *starts turning around* Joe, you’re in charge. *leaves*
Joe?: That’s gotta be the worst fuckin’ excuse I ever heard, Tre.
Tre: *finger gets sliced, screams*
Frank: *enters car, sits next to Chris, sighs while stretching*
Tre: *screaming continues in background*
Chris: *looking bothered*
Frank: Sorry you had to wait, buddy.
Chris: The movie is starting in 10 minutes.
Frank: It’s okay, we’re cool. *looking at watch* We’re only gonna miss the trailers. *smiles at him*
Chris: Yeah, but I wanted to get some popcorn.
Frank: *looking at front of car* When we get in there, get Chris some popcorn. Okay?
Tre: *distant* You fucking motherfuckers!What do you want to drink? You want a Pepsi?
Chris: Yeah, that’s fine.
Frank: Get him a Pepsi. And I’ll have an Icee.
Tre: *unintelligible*
Frank: Mixed.
Tre: *back to screaming*
Chris: *looks at him*
Frank: Like when they mix the red one and the blue one?
Chris: *grins*
*gun shot in background, screaming stops*
Frank: And a pack of Twizzlers.
What a considerate dad, ‘ey? Trying not to let his work get in the way of his relationship with his son and trying to make up for being late. I respect that. The fact that his son could hear his work from the car is… excusable. At some point, he’s gotta become aware of the type of business his dad does. You know, so he doesn’t become naive and fuck things up.
So what we have so far is two types of dads:
- a dad who’s, at best, only concerned with his work and, at worst, directly involving his child in his work.
- a dad who’s, at best, actively trying to keep his child out of his work and, at worst, passively keeping him aware of the type of work he does.
These are the dads of Kick-Ass. Yeah, I know Mindy’s foster dad and Dave’s dad (barely) exist too, but they’ll have their moment later.
As if to intentionally continue the contrast, Frank’s second scene starts off with him spending quality time with his whole family (O_O). Let’s see how it goes.
Joe: Good Morning, Frank.
Frank: *looking up from newspaper* Hey, Joe. How ya doin’?
Joe: Great.
Frank: Want some coffee?
Joe: Uh, maybe later. Good morning, Ange.
Angie: Good Morning.
Frank: *instructingly* Chris.
Chris: Good Morning, Joe.
Joe: Frank, uh, we got a thing.
Frank: *looking like “do you not see me with my family?”*
Joe: It’s a big thing, Frank. *motions to the other room*
Frank: *botheredly closes newspaper* Okay. *exhales* Sorry, hon.
Angie: *looks a bit bothered while kinda forcing a smile* Do what you gotta do.
Frank: *leaves table and walks away with Joe*
Chris: *puts away his comic[?] and starts leaving table*
Angie: Chris, where you think you’re going?
Chris: I gotta talk to dad.
Angie: *frustratingly* Christopher. *louder* Frank, Honey!*Joe & Frank turn around*
Frank: Where do you think you’re going?
Chris: I don’t — I don’t mind you talking business, Dad.
Joe: *smiles amusingly*
Frank: *looking like “is you serious?”*
Chris: I was just gonna sit in there quietly. I mean, I should probably start learning and stuff anyway, right?
Frank: *points at him* Hey, go finish your oatmeal.
Chris: God damn it! I’m gonna be 18 in eight months for christ sakes. *turns around*
Frank: *looks at Joe like “you see this shit?”*
Chris: *huffs*
A lot just happened here. We can infer that 1) Frank spends the usual/occasional late morning having breakfast or brunch with his wife Angie (aka: Ange) and son, 2) he doesn’t like it being interrupted with his work, 3) his wife probably doesn’t like that shit either, 4) his son looks up to and wants to be like him, 5) Joe finds it amusing, and 6) both Angie and Frank ain’t ‘bout him being involved in the business.
Let’s see how the Macready family’s breakfast tends to go…
Mindy: *enters the locked off section of their home*
Damon: *looks up from his drafting table* Hey, early birdy. Aw, you beat me to it.
Mindy: *puts two drinks and bag of Dunkin’ Donuts on computer desk*
Damon: I wanted to get you breakfast this morning. *both laugh*
Damon: Happy birthday, sweetheart. *they high-five* Check this out. *hands her a pink wrapped box*
Mindy: *a bit excited, starts opening it*
Damon: *anticipates her reaction*
Mindy: *opens box, sees two butterfly knives, gasps* Oh, thank you, thank you, *hugs him* thank you! Oh my Gosh. Dad. *releases and admires the blade* Wow. *starts doing tricks* Watch, dad.
Damon: Ok, pop quiz. What’s the proper name for one of those?
Mindy: *continues doing tricks* Easy, Balisong. It’s, uh, Filippino. Ask me another.
Damon: Excellent, good. Uh, the AR 15 was a lighter, smaller caliber version of what design?
Mindy: Uh, Eugene Stoner’s AR-10. Now give me a hard one.
Damon: *goes back to his drawings* The name of…
Mindy: *looks bothered like this is the norm, still doing tricks*
Damon: John Woo’s first full-length feature.
Mindy: Tie Han Rou Qing, The Young Dragons. Daddy look. Hey, come on, you’re not looking.
So~ this is phucked. Mindy, a child, is usually the one getting them breakfast. But this time, since it’s her birthday, Damon wanted to do it. Unfortunately, he was too caught up in his passions/obsessions/work to notice the time (or remember to). The fact that he called her an “early birdy” makes me wonder if Mindy decided to get up earlier than usual for him, though. …Honestly not sure what to do with that.
So anyway, after a high-five (wtf?) and handing her a birthday present we see Damon anticipating his daughter’s reaction to the gift she wanted. Aw. He does care. Then this freaking 11-looking-year-old starts handling a butterfly knife like she’s experienced, minding her hands and shit. Dafuq? Let’s focus, though. Mindy wanted her dad to watch her do tricks. She wanted to be seen in her moment of obvious coolness (let’s not lie here, dat shit was impressive). And did dad even notice? Nope. Did dad even care? Not at all. Mofo immediately starting giving her a pop quiz about knives, guns, and a totally irrelevant 1975 film. 😐 With the third question being given after he stopped looking at her and went back to his work. Best part? Mindy’s face made it clear that this wasn’t unusual of him… at all. Single-parent households, am I right? 😑
And then we’re back to Frank & Chris for a brief moment. Chris is sitting at his dad’s desk imitating him (to whatever degree)… with a handgun. While his dad trains his martial arts in the other room… by himself. After handing Frank the phone, Chris immediately starts practicing with the nunchucku… poorly. Let’s actually make this quick.
Chris’ imitation makes it clear, once again, that he wants to be like his dad. Frank being in a separate room training makes it clear, once again, that he’s keeping his son away from his work. Chris’ poor and immediate use of the nunchucku supports both statements.
A few scenes later, we’re back to Damon and Frank spending time with their respective family. Nothing worth mentioning happens in Damon’s scene, but Frank’s scene… yeah~. After Frank lays it straight about Kick-Ass being bound to “end up dead,” Chris says he’d actually go to Kick-Ass if he “had a problem worth fixing.” Mom, while holding Frank’s hand, looks over at Chris with a particular expression. Frank states he’s “got 100 guys who can fix a problem.” To which Mom folds arms and looks uncomfortable. The scene ends with Chris saying “Well, I wouldn’t wanna get in the way of your business, where I’m not wanted.” and Mom looking over again.
So~ I’m not sure if Mom’s reaction to both of them is a sign of her having a problem with 1) Frank’s work, 2) how much time his work takes away from them, or 3) where these conversations usually go. 🤷🏿♂️ So I’mma just let y’all come to your own conclusion.
Next time we see Damon & Mindy, they’re in costume and a few things happen. Hit-Girl’s loving the opportunity to impress the older Kick-Ass with her cool moves. Homie keep lookin’ back at him and growing a smile… after killing people to the tune of The Dickies’ Banana Splits. 😐 Which makes sense considering the last time we saw her she said “everybody likes Kick-Ass” and “he was actually pretty good.” So~ yeah.
But then something unexpected happens. Big Daddy snipes a bullet into a dude’s head before he could stab her since she forgot to keep her back “to the wall, daddy. I know. It won’t happen again. Nice shot, btw.” Something about her appraising his shot makes me wonder how often he appraises hers, but let’s focus. Big Daddy sent his daughter on a dangerous mission to kill a bunch of older dudes. In his defense, he did train her apparently well and watch her back from a billboard away. Nonetheless, dangerous af. Even still,… ¡Las Sandinistas! (2018).
Next time we see the duo, they’re waking up the unmasked Kick-Ass in the middle of the night and some… oddness happens. Just gonna ignore him pushing aside and stepping over his freaking daughter to snatch the “insurance” away because ‘eh, maybe it was a sudden idea (and he was just inconsiderate)… or a power move idfk. Anywho, Big Daddy ends the conversation with “Hit-Girl, back to headquarters!” while comically running to the open window. Then Hit-Girl stops at the window, looks back at Kick-Ass, and says “Sweet dreams.” before blowing a kiss. (yo, wtf?) Is this a game to her? Probably, and we’ll be getting back to it shortly.
A few scenes later, we see Sgt. Marcus Williams (Damon’s ex-partner cop) snooping into Damon’s locked off section and going through his drawings. Thanks to this invasive mofo, we learn Big Daddy & Hit-Girl’s backstory (from the former’s point of view, of course)… in the form of a comic. 😑 Shit’s interesting, don’t get me wrong, but it says a lot. So Damon (a “supercop”) gets framed by Frank’s inside guy (in the police department, of course) as a drug dealer and gets sent to prison. His “pregnant wife” (who was and shall remain unnamed i guess) “was all alone and could not cope,” so she opted to OD’ing on some pills. Fortunately, Mindy was still born (somehow) and Marcus became her guardian (how sweet). Now this is where it gets juicy. Damon starts training and planning for when he inevitably gets released five years later. Once he does, he reunites with Mindy and decides “it [is] time for [her] to get ready too.”
Did I mention this is all in a comic book? Anybody find that strange? Marcus does. Homedude straight up asks Damon (who’s just entered the room, btw) “Is this how you brainwashed Mindy?” To which, Damon says “You say brainwashed. I say made it into a game.” And there we have it, the aforementioned scene makes sense now. Hit-Girl’s performing femininity of an adult comic book superhero. What the actual- anyway. Marcus says he missing both of them, but moreso her it appears, and asks him (accusingly, of course) if he’s “started some kind of — mmm, fucked-up superhero club.” Damon effectively denies it. Marcus gives him a warning about eventually being found. Damon says “You know I’m not gonna stop… not until D’Amico and his whole damn operation are burnt to ashes and buried.” Marcus tells it like it is (ya wife ain’t comin’ back, holmes) and says “This is not the life for Mindy. *starts leaving* You owe that kid a childhood.” This~ is where Damon loses his nerve a bit: “I’ll tell you who owes her a childhood — Frank D’Amico!” Hm~
So Damon’s absolutely obsessed with revenge over his framing, imprisonment, and wife’s death. So much so that he’s lost focus on giving their freaking daughter “a childhood.” We’ll get back to that matter, though… in a way.
Two scenes later, Frank’s “losing it” (Joe’s words, not mine) over the fact that 1) he murdered the wrong Kick-Ass (dude was an impersonator/entertainer) and 2) kids apparently look up to Kick-Ass like he’s Spider-Man or something. So much so that he pulls out some “powder” and begins to snort (to Joe’s dismay), but not before mimicking a child saying “Mommy, I want a Kick-Ass party.” and frustratingly stating “Dumb little fucks.” But alas, Chris was at the door… eavesdropping like any kid would (amiright?). Mofo comes in at just the right time for Frank to still be taking in that whiff when he lifts his head from the desk and freak out, stating “Oh shit. *hides his habit* Chris, how long you been there? *Chris looks surprised af* What the hell are you doing? Get the hell out.” Well, Chris has an idea that could get him Kick-Ass. His employees’ methods have failed, so why not “give [his son] a chance”? And~ three things happen here:
- Chris reaches a half-arm out to hand Frank his list of “things” needed to get the job done.
- Franks snatches that list outta his hand like he’s frustrated as hell.
- Chris immediately takes three steps back.
‘Eh, this is an ‘eh moment to me. Maybe somebody else will see it as a sign of more than just a parent who’s momentarily frustrated with things that have nothing to do with their kid, but ‘eh. What I find really worth mentioning is the fact that Frank only got Chris involved in his business when it 1) was Chris’ idea and 2) he wanted revenge. Maybe Mindy actually talked Damon into letting her join him so he’d pay attention to and spend time with her. I’d like to doubt that tbh, but who knows. 🤷🏿♂️
Anywho, a few scenes later, Red Mist has Kick-Ass in his car and heading for a trap. To which Frank says “He did very good.” to the employee who informs him over the phone and, with a prideful smirk, “He’s his father’s son.” to Joe, who’s sitting next to him in the car. How warming. Unfortunately, it looks like the whole plan burned in a damn fire and his son might’ve been caught in it along with everybody else by time Frank got there. Dude legit looked saddened and disturbed by it, especially two scenes later when he’s staring out his office window and Gigante (the inside guy) is brought in by Joe. Only knowing that his son is “still missing,” Frank has such a moment of relief when he sees Chris enter the room. Shit, we even see the two embrace. (and one badass freaking scene shortly after that, but i digress).
Next scene is Marcus warning Damon that Gigante is onto him and says “You need to get ghost. Hide yourself… quick.” So naturally, Damon takes that as the signal, telling Mindy “No more homework, baby doll. It’s time for Frank D’Amico to go bye-bye.” And Mindy’s excited about it, like she “finally” gets to face the endboss. …She was reading a comic, btw.
So~ instead of fleeing with his daughter, he decides to finish the mission. Understandably so. Dude made it clear where he stood on the topic and, judging by the way they do things (like the fact that Mindy didn’t seem to be in the building during the last mission), they’ll probably survive.
Three scenes later, I realize the living room they’re regularly seen in has its walls covered in guns (wtf?). More importantly, Damon’s at one desk figuring out the final plan while Mindy’s at the opposite desk looking for a new toy… it’s a jetpack. The toy’s a jetpack. Never skip family time.
Some scenes later, Mindy’s walking out of the kitchen in the only part of their home[?] we’ll ever see and hands Damon “Hot chocolate, extra marshmellows.” while carrying her own mug. They’re admiring the new jetpack for a moment (that Damon attached Gatling guns to it seems) before they say goodnight. But when Kick-Ass reaches out, Damon prioritizes meeting up with him “at Safehouse ‘B’” and enjoying their “hot chocolate when [they] get back.” Well, only one will be coming back, but before that. Let’s acknowledge how distraught Big Daddy was when Hit-Girl (his freaking daughter) took three shots to the torso from motherfucking Red Mist. So distraught that, instead on focusing on the main threat (da dude in his safehouse with a handgun) and keeping his back “to the wall,” he rushes over to the windowsill she fell from to look upon her… while still yelling “No!~” ☹️
Two scenes later, Frank’s reasoning with his kid by explaining why he’s killing Kick-Ass too since, ya know, Chris is against it and just sees Kick-Ass as “some geek.” The conversation ends with Frank asking “You really wanna be a part of my business?” before telling Chris to “Sit down. Shut up… and watch.” Welcome to the family business, kid. 🎉
Nevermind the fact that Frank ‘basta let his son witness two mofos get tortured and burned alive. He finally feels like Chris is capable enough to have a learning seat within the empire. 👏🏿 👏🏿 👏🏿 Good for him. Good for ’em both.
Fortunately unfortunately, Big Daddy trained his daughter well. She steps in at the last second and starts murdering a room full of dudes. Seriously, he taught her how to do their work so well that he only had to remind her of three tactics while she handled the situation… as he burned alive. 🤷🏿♂️ And after that mess, she puts his fire out and we finally get to hear him wheeze “Good job. I’m so proud of you, baby doll. Are you okay? (…) No [I’m not the kindest daddy in the whole world], I just — I love you.” before he dies from his very severe burns.
Immediately afterward, Hit-Girl’s driving a freaking car pretty well, actually. So Big Daddy taught her everything, I guess. Ok. And it’s a stick… alright. Movin’ on, Dave asks her what her real name is. To which she responds, “A superhero never reveals his true identity.” like it’s not reality or… is a game. 😐
At homebase, she’s staring at the two cups of hot chocolate she and her dad were gonna enjoy when they returned from what turned out to be The Kick-Ass Blunder and makes a decision. To finish the job. So while Dave’s cleaning his bloodied face, she’s loading guns and sharpening them butterflies. Dude comes out surprised as hell that she apparently didn’t get his meaning when he said “Pack up whatever you need and we’ll go back to my place.” She responds to his re-explanation with a heavily implied threat of basically “My dad would’ve wanted me to shoot you dead where you stand.” and uses the iron sighs to aim an SMG dead at his face. His ass looks panicked, understandably, but she eventually changes her mind (or puts away the bluff) by saying “He would have wanted me to finish what we started. And that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.”
While Hit-Girl’s still preparing for a mass murder, Dave is taking in the room we’ve seen her and Damon working in. Eventually noticing the footage from inside Frank’s building, he points out “all that security” and asks her “Are you crazy?” To which, she responds “My mom already died for nothing. So I’m sure as hell not gonna let my dad die for nothing too.” Wisely, Dave points out “You can’t do this on your own.” And she responds, “Exactly. You wanna deal with owing my dad? (which he mentioned in the car) Then shut the hell up and pick your weapon.”
After some shootin’ and blade handlin’, we get to the boss fight. Kick-Ass & Hit-Girl barge into the room Frank & Chris were (understandably) hiding in and stare down their respective opponent. Frank says “Get him,” prompting Chris to do so with clear reluctance. So while those two are conveniently having their battle in the training room from much earlier, Frank and Hit-Girl get ready for their showdown with Frank saying “Play time’s over, kid.” and Hit-Girl replying “Ha. I never play.” Pretty sure this is true, btw.
And now we see the difference that raising a kid to “fight” makes in the way Chris and Dave fight it out… like amateurs. They both suck at it. Chris is slinging that nunchucku like he’s scared of getting hit and isn’t even trying to be lethal. Kick-Ass blocks all of his “attacks” quite well in comparison. Meanwhile, in the actual boss fight, Hit-Girl’s back on her feat after a sudden roundhouse kick (to the face of course) and hopping around dodging Frank like a damn ninja. She eventually gets in close and starts laying into him, but~ he pulls her off and holds her up against the shelves… with his hand around her throat. She smashes a glass ornament (or something) against his face, causing him to throw her onto the desk where she grabs a letter opener (i think) and turns the tide. For a bit. He eventually flips her onto the desk, breaking it and rendering her unable to continue the fight. Almost immediately after, we see the two amateurs knock eachother out simultaneously.
Back to the boss fight, Frank punching Hit-Girl in the face twice while venting his frustrations with the damage she and Big Daddy have done to his business (you know, killing everyone on his payroll) before finding his gun and seeming like he might’ve been coming to terms with the fact that he was about to kill a (very young) kid. I guess he’s gonna, ’cause he steps onto the floor-ridden desk and says “God, I wish I had a son like you.” before cocking the gun and pointing it at her head. (Funnily enough it’s his own being-a-better-parent fault that his kid’s not like Big Daddy’s. 🤷🏿♂️) Just after saying “Time for the family reunion” (ouch), Kick-Ass fires a damn rocket launcher at him and blows his ass up (after it pushes him outside the building somehow). While those two make their escape using the jetpack that Mindy found online, Chris wakes up and grabs an actual katana like he’s ready to actually ascend to villainhood… by way of murder. Too bad for him they’re already launching off.
After landing on a rooftop, Kick-Ass takes off his mask and introduces himself as Dave Lizewski. Hit-Girl finally takes off hers and introduces herself as Mindy Macready. Then they turn to stare at the sunset together (for some reason).
Anywho, we learn during the epilogue that Mindy starts going to Dave’s school (that the movie made clear also teaches ages 6–12) and Marcus — the guy who originally raised her — goes back to being the father she needed. So, in the end, two characters lost a father. One regained a significantly better one while the other only gained an inheritance. 😑
Fina-freaking-ly done going scene-by-scene. Let’s finish up.
So which dad is best? Mindy’s Damon Macready (aka: Big Daddy) or Chris’ Frank D’Amico? Well, let’s run that over real quick.
- Chris’ dad didn’t want him involved in the family business or even listening in (for the most part), but still made time to spend with him. Mindy’s dad was too obsessed with his mission (or job rather) to spend quality time with her, so their interactions were almost all work-related.
- Mindy arguably made herself into the person Damon wanted (to gain his approval?) when she asked for a puppy and doll at the bowling alley (and then defaulted back to a butterfly knife when he started visibly losing it). Chris, on the other hand, was actually trying to be like his dad even though Frank seemed against it for most of the movie.
- Mindy was accepted as a daughter under specific conditions: being like her dad. Chris was almost wholly accepted as a son, but rejected as a student and inheritor.
- Mindy was trained to be good enough for her father. Chris, being allowed a freaking childhood, was never trained to become good enough to inherit his dad’s empire,… which reminds me a lot of Evergreen & Gunter from S6E24 of Adventure Time.
- Mindy, having been well trained, was put in dangerous situations that almost got her killed on atleast one occasion (but Damon was there to cover her with a sniper rifle, so it’s fine i guess). Chris, not having been well trained, was given a constant bodyguard to protect him from physical (and financial) dangers.
- Mindy had no social life and didn’t go to school because her dad was too busy involving her with his work. Chris had no social life beyond his dad’s paid workers and (seems like he) didn’t go to school because Frank made the arguably wise decision to shelter him a little.
Now, before we answer the most important question of “Who is best dad?” (that’s right, this whole essay was a scheme for my own tier list!), we’ve gotta acknowledge something. This some class privilege shit, y’all. Yep, straight up class privilege. Damon’s got nobody to help him do his illegal-ass vigilante work. Nobody but his daughter. Frank’s got a legion of dudes on his payroll (including a driver and a cook) who can take care of things, as seen during his introductory scene when he put Joe in charge of torturing and killing the apparent “greedy little cocksucker” in his midst. If Marcus — Damon’s old supercop partner — was down for dat criminal murderous lifestyle, he probably (hopefully?) would’ve just asked him to join the cause. In which case, Mindy would’ve arguably spent less time with her dad… and probably the same amount of quality time (e.g.: bowlling alley, that’s it there’s nothing else). And let’s be real, if the second person in the Safehouse ‘B’ was an adult, the Red Mist Betrayal would’ve played out different and Mindy either would’ve lost both dads or neither. 🤷🏿♂️ Regardless of what could’ve been, what we have is what has been. And with that, the answer is obvious… Marcus is best dad.
And no, I ain’t explainin’ why. This essay’s too damn long. So here’s the order: Sgt. Marcus Williams, Frank D’Amico, Mr. Lizewski (Dave’s dad), Damon Macready.
Can I watch the sequel now?
Tests (4/24/22):
I’m gonna skip 3 crew tests and the entirety of Crew Data. Here’s the test process for the other 17, though.
(originally posted on my tumblr on Monday, 18 April 2022)
